So it has been awhile since I blogged. I began working on converting my 2008 blog into a book which has taken a lot of time. Then I got even more busy going through my father's things, which I'm not done with. Then I had doctor's appointments that I've had to take my grandmother to. Then I just became sad and didn't want to blog. We have boxes and boxes of papers to go through in Julie's garage that where my dad's. I brought home my father's bag from the navy and went through it. It is amazing what my father saved. There were assignments from college about 35 years ago, my mom's name tag from Sears, bundles of greeting cards and a
calender from my parents when they were married. I opened each card
before tossing it. I even tossed the
calendar. Something came over me though which made me save one card and the calender. The card is from my dad's first father's day in 1976 from my mother.
Handwritten inside it says
"As you know you're very special to me. I'm very glad I married you. You make me very happy and provide me with everything I need (even though you don't think so). I DO. I love you very much. You're a great father. I'm glad you're the father of our child. I love you. Helena".My parents went on to get divorced when I was 16 but saving that small card means something to me. It means that my parents once lived and loved
each other. The calendar is from 1974. It has each payday listed and monthly bills. Their car payment was $56.00. Utah Power and light was $8.00, Groceries were $20.00, there was a $28.00 bill to holly cross hospital and $10.00 to a Dr. Carpenter. Paydays don't look to large either though. The earnings for February were $175.00. Bills were $128.00 leaving $47.00. There are handwritten appointments like scouts and visits with home teachers, job orientations, visits from my grandmother, and a special note on July 21st for my father's 23rd birthday. My mom wrote "I love you" and drew 23 small candles in the little 21 square.
Going through all of these things did something thought. It has made me grieve for the loss of my mother as well. It has been very hard at times. I feel at times like a cloud is hanging over my heart, heavy and muting the world around me. When I feel really bad I'll put on a movie and try and make it through. Those moments usually don't last too long. Occasionally I do feel that little black cloud again. I have my children and family to take care of so I really don't dwell too much.
I worry about my grandmother. I feel much closer to her after our long doctor's appointments this week which has been good. I worry about my brother and what the future will bring for him. We may need to try and get him social security. My father tried to pursue that while he was alive for Phil, but he was denied. They felt he was too high functioning. I think they should be giving him social security. His autism is a disability for him. He can't drive and works a low paying job. He has a hard time interacting with others at times. I don't know if he'll ever be able to live on his own. It worries me. I will be working full time again in 5 weeks and it is going to greatly limit my time. I just need to take things one day at a time and move forward.
Violet is 2 months old now. She had her two month appointment yesterday. She got 3 shots! Poor girl. She is already 12 pounds 2 ounces and 24 inches long. She is growing and changing practically every day. 
She loves her jungle baby gym that we purchased a little while ago. She used to just lay under the gym, but now she is starting to stretch out her arms towards toys. She coos and looks at the lights and has a grand time.
She loves it when her daddy and others in the family read to her. Last night Wes and Violet read 12 small books and she was content. Violet will reach out and touch her daddy while he reads and will try and talk. 
