Violet is a Month Old

This past Thursday Violet turned one month old. Unfortunately it was the day of my dad's funeral, but I am so happy to have my new, little girl. This is the outfit Violet started out in before we left for the viewing, but in her customary style she peed while I was changing her diaper and soaked her outfit. This is a very common occurrence for my Violet and we have to be very quick when getting a new diaper under her.

Violet rolled over for the first time at two or three weeks old. As you can tell she was very upset at the time. I think it was entirely accidental as she hasn't done it again since.

Violet is starting to smile when she is awake and it is absolutely precious! Here are some other fun facts about Violet.

She absolutely LOVES to stare at her white blinds while we change her diaper. It is fascinating to her and she will just coo away at them. She also likes the white curtains.

She used to hate baths, but is starting to like them.

Violet will usually only wake once during the night. She does sometimes have a hard time going down though for the first time in the evening.

She is still a great nurser.

Violet was happy and awake for a whole hour yesterday. She enjoyed making noises, smiling, and looking around, especially at her blinds.

Violet is outgrowing most of her newborn clothes already and is wearing some 3-6 month clothing already.

I love my baby and I can't imagine life without her!

The Viewing and Funeral

Wednesday night was the viewing at the McDougal Funeral home. Our family arrived on time. Adelle and Lydia cried right away when they saw Grandpa in the casket. Lydia didn't want to see Grandpa up close. Adelle on the other hand kept going over to the casket and blowing kisses and crying. It was a hard night for both girls. My in-laws took them over to their house after they went through the line. Violet slept almost the whole time until towards the end when she got hungry. I didn't think that my dad looked too great. He was so pale and looked older than he really did in life.

I saw so many people I hadn't seen in years, including old friends from the neighborhood I grew up in. I was so busy visiting with people I didn't have much time to feel anything. The last person to come to the viewing was a man that had grown up in the same neighborhood as me. I found out that he actually was the paramedic that responded the morning my dad had his heart attack. My dad recognized him immediately. When they were going to the hospital my dad told the paramedic that he felt like he was going to die and asked for a blessing. Both paramedics were LDS and did give him a blessing. The paramedic said after the blessing was over my dad was peaceful. I'm so glad that someone was there that my dad knew and I'm so glad he was able to receive a blessing and find peace. After everyone was gone I did have a moment to see my Dad with Wes by my side. It allowed me a brief moment to touch his hair and to have a moment of closure.

The next morning before the funeral was hectic. None of us at our house was in the best of spirits. We did manage to get out the door though and to the Thursday viewing and funeral. Thanks to Lydia reminding me we brought a CD player and my dad's latest CD to play during the viewing. So many people came including my coworkers and some really close friends from years ago. I wish I would have had more time to visit with everyone. I feed Violet right as everyone was saying their final goodbye's. I was glad I'd had some time the night before with my father.

We went into the funeral and I spoke. I read the obituary, spoke about my father's history, and then related memories and things my father taught me. I spoke of his strong work ethic, his love of music, his love of family, and his strong testimony. After me Mr. Moore played "Without You" (a song from my dad's latest CDs). Then a friend from my father's ward spoke. Then Sarah, Phillip and I sang "Country Roads". Then the last speaker spoke. He read some of my father's words. My father had written down his near death experience when he had his first heart attack. It was very touching to hear.

We then headed to the cemetery. It was so cold and the wind was blowing really hard. Violet woke up and was hungry. Instead of trying to feed her in the wind I feed her in the car, which meant I didn't get to hear the grave dedication. Wes and Lydia let me know what had taken place though. The pallbearers were asked to leave their flowers on the casket then we everyone was invited to take flowers from the spray. Wes brought me a beautiful pinkish, violet rose. We headed back to the church and ate lunch with family members. I was super hungry after the long day.

I felt very strong and together the whole day when I was surrounded by people. For some reason that is what my mind and body do when there are tasks to be done. That evening though I felt like I had been run over physically and emotionally. I have had my moments to cry and miss my father. I hope people don't think that I'm not missing him when they see me not crying. I don't know why I react that why in front of others. On Friday I was driving to Costco when an ambulance whizzed by with it's lights and sirens on. It oddly set me off and I started crying. I know I'll make it through. I hope to be able to look after those that have been left behind. I also hope to find quiet moments to remember my father.

What have my girls been up to?

My wonderful sister-in-law posted some really fun pictures and stories of my girls. She and my mother-in-law have been watching them here and there these past few days. I love them!

Here is the link to her blog: http://jollyrogerlove.info/blog.asp

Official Obituary and Guestbook

My Dad's official obituary and online guestbook are FINALLY up. Here is the link: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/saltlaketribune/obituary.aspx?n=robert-gandy&pid=138677442

Funeral Plans

Tired, Tired, Tired! Violet wouldn't go down until 11:30 last night and then woke up at 3:30, 5:15, and again at 7:45. I think she hasn't been sleeping as well because I have been out running errands and allowing her to sleep more. Also I was suddenly exhausted yesterday afternoon and let Violet sleep with me in my bed. I am eventually going to have to get her back to some sort of routine if I want to get any type of rest at night.

I went to the funeral home yesterday and met Julie and two of her sisters there. We chose a beautiful coffin for my Dad. It is a dark mahogany wood and it looks almost like the wood from a grand piano which we thought was fitting for my dad. The interior is lined will a cream velvet. May I say, coffins are not cheap!

After the funeral home we went over to Harmon's flowers and selected a spray for the top of the coffin and two side arrangements. Julie wanted to go with blue, white and purple flowers. I thing they will look beautiful. May I also say, flowers are not cheap.

I was able to find the music online for the song that Sarah, Phillip and I will be singing which is great. Wes printed it off for me and I delivered it to a fabulous woman in the ward who will be playing for us.

I delivered my Dad's new CD to Kerry Moore who will be playing one of Dad's songs at the funeral.

The morning went well. It felt good to be able to help Julie and to support her. When I got home though I found myself suddenly exhausted. I hate how grief will suddenly physically manifest. That is when I foolishly allowed Violet to sleep with me. I just felt like I couldn't stay awake anymore. I will probably wake up eventually this morning and shouldn't complain.

Sarah was busy with my grandma yesterday. She is really having a hard time physically and emotionally.

Today Phillip, Sarah and I need to find time to rehearse. I am sure other things will come up in the day that need to be done as well. I can't believe the viewing is tomorrow night already. I really need to take time to write out some thoughts since I will be speaking in the funeral.

I can do all this! Heavenly Father must think I can handle a lot. I won't prove him wrong.

Adelle's First Lost Tooth

"Adelle's Lost Tooth"

"Illustrated by Adelle" (there are no drawings though)

"Written by Adelle"

"Adelle was at grandma's house and was eating when Adelle lost a tooth. Adelle was excited. The End"

Don't you just love the crazy picture of Adelle with her first little hole from losing a tooth. She called herself the celebration girl all day with her party hat and celebration necklace thanks to Grandma and Aunt Erica. I'm glad the tooth was lost so painlessly while eating a bologna sandwich at grandma's. She has been quite nervous about losing her tooth. She is my little anxiety girl and is often worried about things from our house catching on fire to losing her first tooth. The tooth fairy left her two dollars last night and she is super excited to let everyone know at school that she lost her tooth. I love my girl.

Coping

I am pretty tired this morning. Violet decided not to go down until midnight. I'm sure I'll manage though. I had some hard moments yesterday. I did go to church because I can't think of a better place to be when you are going through something difficult. It is interesting what will affect you, like the song "I am a Child of God". It was sad to sing "has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear". Of course I still have parents even if they have passed away, but still it touched a soft spot. I have found though that my body rarely allows me to cry in public. I'm not sure why, but that is how I operate.

I did have a hard moment after dinner last night as the evening was settling in. I am glad I turned to the scriptures. My mind wasn't wanting to do any reading of chapters. Instead I flipped through the scriptures finding highlighted ones. There were some that really applied to me and helped me pull myself up again.

Wes went and rented some movies and bought doughnuts. I'm sad to say I consumed more than my share. I should stop turning to food and not use it as a coping method. Wes and I watched Julie and Julia. I loved it and it really helped me. I have always loved good movies because they can take me out of my element and help me feel better. That is exactly what Julie and Julia did for me.

I wish I could turn away from all the funeral preparations that need to be done. That is one of the worst things to me. It needs to be done though. I cannot leave my sister and others to take on the full burden of preparing for it. There are also concerns about my grandmother and my brother and making sure they are well taken care of. That is something that my father did. My sister and her husband have really done so much for both of them and I know that I need to find ways to help, even if they are little ways. It is hard with a newborn to get much done some days, but I need to try.

Speaking of my newborn, I really hopes she will do well during the services since I will need to sing and talk. As long as she isn't crying or hungry it should go well. I am hoping it will be pretty much like church where she will sleep in the sling practically the whole time.

Well I will just have to see what the days ahead bring.