The Viewing and Funeral

Wednesday night was the viewing at the McDougal Funeral home. Our family arrived on time. Adelle and Lydia cried right away when they saw Grandpa in the casket. Lydia didn't want to see Grandpa up close. Adelle on the other hand kept going over to the casket and blowing kisses and crying. It was a hard night for both girls. My in-laws took them over to their house after they went through the line. Violet slept almost the whole time until towards the end when she got hungry. I didn't think that my dad looked too great. He was so pale and looked older than he really did in life.

I saw so many people I hadn't seen in years, including old friends from the neighborhood I grew up in. I was so busy visiting with people I didn't have much time to feel anything. The last person to come to the viewing was a man that had grown up in the same neighborhood as me. I found out that he actually was the paramedic that responded the morning my dad had his heart attack. My dad recognized him immediately. When they were going to the hospital my dad told the paramedic that he felt like he was going to die and asked for a blessing. Both paramedics were LDS and did give him a blessing. The paramedic said after the blessing was over my dad was peaceful. I'm so glad that someone was there that my dad knew and I'm so glad he was able to receive a blessing and find peace. After everyone was gone I did have a moment to see my Dad with Wes by my side. It allowed me a brief moment to touch his hair and to have a moment of closure.

The next morning before the funeral was hectic. None of us at our house was in the best of spirits. We did manage to get out the door though and to the Thursday viewing and funeral. Thanks to Lydia reminding me we brought a CD player and my dad's latest CD to play during the viewing. So many people came including my coworkers and some really close friends from years ago. I wish I would have had more time to visit with everyone. I feed Violet right as everyone was saying their final goodbye's. I was glad I'd had some time the night before with my father.

We went into the funeral and I spoke. I read the obituary, spoke about my father's history, and then related memories and things my father taught me. I spoke of his strong work ethic, his love of music, his love of family, and his strong testimony. After me Mr. Moore played "Without You" (a song from my dad's latest CDs). Then a friend from my father's ward spoke. Then Sarah, Phillip and I sang "Country Roads". Then the last speaker spoke. He read some of my father's words. My father had written down his near death experience when he had his first heart attack. It was very touching to hear.

We then headed to the cemetery. It was so cold and the wind was blowing really hard. Violet woke up and was hungry. Instead of trying to feed her in the wind I feed her in the car, which meant I didn't get to hear the grave dedication. Wes and Lydia let me know what had taken place though. The pallbearers were asked to leave their flowers on the casket then we everyone was invited to take flowers from the spray. Wes brought me a beautiful pinkish, violet rose. We headed back to the church and ate lunch with family members. I was super hungry after the long day.

I felt very strong and together the whole day when I was surrounded by people. For some reason that is what my mind and body do when there are tasks to be done. That evening though I felt like I had been run over physically and emotionally. I have had my moments to cry and miss my father. I hope people don't think that I'm not missing him when they see me not crying. I don't know why I react that why in front of others. On Friday I was driving to Costco when an ambulance whizzed by with it's lights and sirens on. It oddly set me off and I started crying. I know I'll make it through. I hope to be able to look after those that have been left behind. I also hope to find quiet moments to remember my father.