Missing Him

I got a call from my sister early this morning. She was crying and the first thought that passed through my mind was that my grandmother had passed away. She fell two days ago and is in the hospital. To my dismay though she informed me that my father has passed away. I was just shocked. My father has been relatively healthy these past few years. He did have a heart attack about 4 years ago, but he has been well since then. His heart just couldn't handle the attack this morning. It is hard to suddenly have him gone. The first few hours after losing a loved one are always challenging, not only because you realize that someone you care for is no longer alive, but because of the hours, days, weeks, and months ahead you have to face without them.

I went to the hospital this morning to spend some time with family and with my dad even though he had already passed away. I brought my little Violet with me. I haven't ever left her before and I wasn't even sure if she would take a bottle. Besides it was a comfort to have my little one there. My grandmother and brother saw Violet for the first time, It was especially good to see my grandmother smile at her new great-grandbaby. It was strange though to see the pale skin of my father and the bright, beautiful skin of a newborn; to have new life so close to death. It was surreal to sit in the hall feeding my little girl listening to the heart monitors of other patients and know that my father's heart will never beat again.

Despite everything I am so grateful for my beliefs. It is comforting to know I will see my father again. I know I will still cry, still miss him, and still wish that he wasn't taken so soon, but feeling the Holy Ghost comforting me is a wonderful blessing.

My father has written songs for all of my girls. Julie (my step-mom) told me that my dad had just finished Violet's song. He had played it for Julie just this past Sunday. I never will get to hear it in this life though. It hasn't been recorded. I wonder if my little Adelle was prompted or perhaps it is just coincidence, but Adelle actually wrote a song for Violet last night. It is simple and sweet.

I am glad I will always have my father's music. He of course is listed as my favorite musician on my blog. He truly is. He was never famous or made it rich, but I loved his music. He loved playing at the Roof Restaurant every Saturday night. I know his music will be missed there.

I know there will be an outpouring of love from everywhere. My dad touched so many lives and meant so much to so many people. I hope that people will know about his death so they can be there to say goodbye. I know how important that is to us as humans. We want that final moment to honor those we love.

I worry about Julie so much. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my love and companion. I hope we will be able to buoy her up in the days to come. I adore her and want to do anything I can to help her.

Wes is a wonderful support to me and even though he is sad he has been wonderful to help me. Right now we are just gathered in our home decompressing, calling loved ones, and coping. I know there will be work to do yet with funeral arrangements. The viewing is going to be Wednesday and the funeral will be Thursday.

I just had to write out my thoughts. It is part of my process of coming to terms. I also want those who love him to know. I will still be here. I will be missing him, my wonderful father, but I'll still be here.

Our World Right Now

The whole family loves to gather around Violet when she is awake and ready to visit with us. The girls haven't been able to spend too much time around their sister recently though. Both of them caught the stomach flu bug and have been pretty sick. Adelle got over it in a few days after being violently sick. Lydia still has a fever and we really hope she will be feeling better soon.

Violet is growing more and more all the time. At her two week appointment last Tuesday she was 8 pounds 6 ounces and 23 inches long. She is 80% for her weight; her length is off the charts; and her head is average. Some days go pretty well around here and other days are more challenging. Last night was a particularly hard night. Violet was up frequently wanting to eat and has been more fussy than usual. I wonder if she is going through a growth spurt. I have taken to watching lots of TV, reading, or watching movies since Violet is frequently wanting to eat which means I am stuck sitting down. I am hoping to get her to sleep in her rocker seat today so I can get some sort of a nap and avoid walking around in a sleepy haze all day. I don't want her to get in the habit of sleeping in my arms.

I absolutely adore being her mom despite the lack of sleep. She smiled at me yesterday for just a moment while she was awake. Adelle and I really enjoyed reading stories last night for over an hour. We would take turns reading based on Violet's mood at the moment. I miss my Lydia girl since she has been downstairs trying to get better. We have her all set up with a TV and VCR so she can watch movies. Wes has been wonderful to get her the things that she needs. That is our world right now. It is a small little sphere for me, but I am content.

Daddy's Girl and Family News

This was taken during one of Violet's "wakeful" periods. She is wide awake for about 1-2 hours a day. The rest is spent eating, sleeping, etc. The girls still absolutely love her and think she is the sweetest thing ever. She is still sleeping in her bouncy seat and still loves being swaddled. One night she actually slept 8 hours straight! She usually will get up once or twice in the night though. I would eventually like to transition her to the bassinett or crib, but right now she really prefers the bouncy seat and I haven't found the energy at night to really stick to it. Violet was two weeks old yesterday and she has her two week appointment later today. Hopefully everything will go well.

Other news on the home front:

Wes is AMAZING! Our heater broke on New Year's Eve. He and his dad found a temporary solution to allow us to still get heat until the problem was fixed. Wes was able to buy a new part today for the furnace and fixed it all by himself! He really is so awesome!!

The girls have started back school again. They were a big help during the break. They washed dishes, swept floors, cleaned toilets. I really appreciated them. They still of course found time to watch movies, play games, and to cause some general mischief. Adelle decided to break into a Science Kit that Santa had given the girls. She managed to get some paint on the playroom carpet and to make a general mess. She felt SUPER GUILTY which was most of her punishment. She is too much like me. The paint really didn't come off too much. Instead of a dark green it is now a light green more dispersed in the carpet fibers.

Lydia is growing up more and more every day. She is becoming more conscious of her self image and friends are becoming more important in her life. I hope this next phase goes smoothly and that she will still find mom fun and cool.

I am recovering well except I recently tweaked my shoulder. It is an old injury but I am just trying to use it less. I have started "wearing" Violet more (on my right side of course) which has allowed me to feel somewhat useful again. I managed to get the dishes done, sweep the floor, and to get a roast in the crock pot. I should be careful not to overdue it though.

Wes' Extended Family Christmas Party

On December 19 we attended the extended family Christmas Party for Wes' side of the family. It is good to see family that we often don't get a chance to get together with often. The company is wonderful, the food is delicious, and the prizes are fun as well. Our family didn't walk away with any prizes this year, but we were just happy to visit and have fun.
Erica and Adelle playing Chess.

My special girls :)

The girls received littlest pet shop toys from Grandma Ellen and they were super excited!

Wes with his parents.

This is the very last photo taken of me pregnant. I ended up going into labor in the wee hours of the morning after this party took place. It is amazing to think that my little Violet was just hanging out in there. Even though it is more work I am so grateful she is now on the outside!

Christmas

Christmas was very different this year, but we enjoyed it immensely. Wes parents and sister came by Christmas Eve bearing gifts! We visited with them for a little while until dinner arrived from a ward member. The dinners from our ward were so greatly appreciated!!!! Grandma and Grandpa let the girls open one gift early. They gave each of the girls, including Violet, brand new pajamas. I only got a picture of Adelle in her new threads though. Violet hanging out in her chair. She still hadn't mastered sleeping unless someone was holding her. We have now worked it out though. She LOVES to be swaddled and she loves sleeping in her little chair. In time, I'd like to transition her to the crib or the bassinet.

Santa came, even though Violet and I were sleeping the living room. He brought puppets for each of the girls and candy for everyone. Violet didn't get candy, but she did get new Christmas socks.

Lydia and Adelle wanted me to take a picture of them in their new outfits from Wes' parents.

This is how Violet spent most of the day..dozing in mommy's arms.

My blue eyed Adelle :)

Lydia playing her new PlayStation game.

It was a pretty quiet day. Wes' mom stopped by briefly to deliver a few gifts from extended family. Wes' brother and sister-in-law stopped by in the evening to see Violet and to give the girls gifts.

The next day my step-mom stopped by to visits and to give gifts. The girls got new, oriental pajamas.

Wes got a statue of Abraham Lincoln.

Julie picked up this great Alice in Wonderland Doll for Violet's room.

Grandma Julie with out little bundled girl.

Julie's mom enjoyed visiting with everyone.

I was so glad that I was home for the holidays and that Violet was with us. It was a wonderful Christmas. Everyone was so generous as well. They gave us such wonderful gifts ranging from games, cash, and even season passes to Lagoon which I'm sure we will be enjoying this upcoming year. The most wonderful gift of course is our new little baby! She really is so mild and sweet and we are really enjoying getting to know her better.

Short Birth Story

I've had a few requests to post Violet's birth story and since everyone here is still fighting over who is going to hold her I have a little time to share something small.

I had a hard time sleeping Saturday night into Sunday morning. I was contracting and they were strong enough to wake me every few hours. It was funny that I started contracting then since we had gone to our last scheduled event on Saturday evening. My calendar was now empty. Sunday morning when I woke up the contractions were still going. I decided not to go to church so I could keep an eye on things.

The contractions were coming pretty regularly about every four minutes. I wanted to make sure things kept going so I even did some waking around the house. I also rested and they didn't stop. Suddenly I was pretty tired so I laid down for a nap. They appeared to subside so I thought I must be in false labor. I woke up from my nap though and they started up regular again. They were 2 -3 minutes apart when I was up and walking and 4-5 minutes apart when sitting down. We decided to head into the hospital.

The girls were dropped off at grandma's and I was admitted into the hospital about 3:00 in the afternoon. I had been a 2 at my doctor's appointment on Friday. They had given me the chance to be induced that night, but I stayed strong and Wes and I decided to go on a date instead. When I was checked on Sunday I was a 3.

My contractions kept going regular and I ended up going to a 4 and my cervix continued to efface. They decided to keep me and broke my water. I knew they couldn't send me home from there. Things were slower than we thought they would go though and about 12:30 AM they gave me a little bit of pitocin because my contractions were slowing a bit. I was a little nervous but I wanted labor to progress.

Things picked up again and contractions started to get pretty strong. I still didn't want an epidural though. It got harder to breath through contractions, but Wes was a super support and helped me through. I started feeling a lot of pressure. The nurse checked me and I was almost an 8. I went from an 8 to a 10 in about 4 contractions.

The on call doctor arrived and in just a few pushes Violet arrived very healthy and well. I was surprised she had so much hair. She was pink right away and we had some time to spend together before they cleaned her up. She took to breastfeeding really well. I did have a small tear and was stitched.

Labor took longer than expected, but I was glad everything went well and that I was able to go natural. It has allowed me to be up and about right away. My doctor said we could be released today (about 36 hours after birth) which has been great! You just don't rest well in a hospital and I knew the girls were missing me. I am sore and somewhat tired but I am doing great.

Violet is AMAZING! She is VERY easygoing at this point and I really hope it continues. She rarely cries! I am so happy to have this special addition to our family and I'm looking forward to the time ahead to get to know her even more. I love how soft she is and how wonderful she smells. I love being her mommy! I am especially glad she made her entrance before Christmas and I'm looking forward to spending time with my family this holiday season.

Guess Who's Here!

Violet arrived Monday, December 21st at 3:47 AM! She was 7 lbs 13 oz, 20.5 inches long. We are all so excited she is here!!