How it all began

I must warn you ahead of time that this is a super long post!

Have you ever looked back at something you love to do and thought "How did it all start" or "When did it all begin", "When did that spark happen"? It is hard for me to exactly pinpoint when I began to love the stage. I remember doing my first play in my pajamas in grade school. I played Martha Washington and was cast for her death scene. I don't remember what my lines were. In fact I may not have had any lines now that I thing about it. I do remember the pajamas I was wearing. It was my beloved red, Strawberry Shortcake night dress. I remember also being slightly embarrassed to have my fellow classmates see me in them.

I remember auditioning for my first choir in grade school. I was excited when I made it. My sister had been in the choir when she had gone to the school and I was following in her footsteps. The Magna Music Makers. We had rehearsals and we sang at the mall, senior citizen centers, and for my fellow classmates during assemblies. Yes, I think singing in a choir was one of my very first "sparks". There was nothing like blending your voice with all of the other kids around you and trying with everything that your little being has to make it sound extraordinary. I always wanted to impress my teachers. Just call me a goody goody, but I liked to please. It wasn't only that though it was incredible to look out into the audience and sing with the biggest smile I could muster. It made me feel happy, excited and nervous all at the same time.

I continued on with choir in Junior High, but that was, well, somewhat of a joke. Half of the students didn't want to be in the class and would cause the teacher endless problems. We went through 3 choir teachers in 3 years. I saw some of the worst cruelty ever directed at these teachers from fellow students. I could never understand that type of behavior, NEVER! Why would male students plaster the choir room walls with maxi pads to try and send some sort of message to the choir teacher that they hated and disrespected him? Yes, this really happened. I loved singing and wanted to be there. I wanted to whip out the new music and go through note by note until those notes became ingrained in my mind, until I could sing it flawlessly and enjoy the wonderful harmonies!

I participated in a few plays in Junior High. One of them was "The Boyfriend". I got to wear a 30's flapper dress and and be in the chorus. The dress was actually a slip from a vintage dress my mother and I had found at an eclectic antique store downtown. My mom sewed fringe onto it to make it look just like something that would have been worn in the 30's. It was a little more revealing than I was entirely comfortable with, but I don't know if I ever told that to anyone. I had the biggest crush on the male lead. I remember watching the rehearsals and longing to be the lead girl. I watched her moves and heard how she spoke her lines and thought "I could do that". I yearned to be in her spot, not only to play opposite the handsome lead, but to be able to stand on that stage and be someone entirely different. To move the audience to believe and feel my words.

One of my best friends, Lori, had started attending acting classes up at the U of U. It was the Shakespeare Acting Company taught by Frank and Jill Gerrish. I begged my parents to let me attend as well. It probably wasn't cheap for my family to fork out money for the lessons so they didn't last more than a year or so, but what a year it was. Now looking back it makes you wonder how I could learn acting by picking up some of the most difficult material, Shakespeare! I would go and watch the older students and would just be in awe! They were incredible. Even though it was Shakespeare I could understand what was going on in the scene. I could feel what was going on in the scene.

Now Frank and Jill weren't easy teachers. They wouldn't let you come to class unprepared or let you coast through a scene. If you hadn't memorized your lines you were left on the sidelines to watch that day. If you weren't believable you were called on it, right in front of everyone else. It isn't that they weren't caring, but you had to be held accountable.

I remember a moment in that class that changed everything. I was playing Anne in Richard III opposite one of the more experienced young men in the class. Now, Richard the III is a very intense play. One of the very first scenes (the scene I was in) opens with a funeral procession for Anne's Father in law, the King. The corpse is laid upon the ground and Anne proceeds to cry over the body and curse Richard who has murdered not only her Father in Law, but also her husband. While Anne is lamenting Richard comes in and disrupts everything to try and woo Anne. Unbelievable but true.

Now here I am, this self conscious, young women trying to make the scene work. I am trying to mourn over my father in law and I'm just not cutting it and I know it. Frank stops everything and in front of everyone tries to get me to find something to relate to this scene. The class is patient and caring because they want me to succeed as well. He asks me what would devastate me. He tries to get me to pull from my very soul and it works. I find something and I find myself crying and shaking over the body and yelling and cursing Richard. I feel the anger and sorrow. They wash over me, draining, but invigorating me at the same time. After the scene was over the whole class bursts out into applause and Frank puts his arm around my shoulder visibly pleased with my progress, my breakthrough. I had broken through that wall that holds us back as human beings. I felt so free and open! I was an actress!

Like I said, my family couldn't afford the class anymore and so I went on with High School. I sang in the Jazz Choir and was a Lady in Waiting in "12 Dancing Princesses" my sophomore year. I didn't take drama because I didn't think it would fit into my schedule and I regretted it. Some time in the year Mrs. Abbey approached me and says she would like me to audition for the higher acting class for the upcoming year. She knew Frank and he had said good things about me. I am so excited. I audition and I make it! The bug had bit me. Acting was in my blood. It never got old or boring. There was always a new challenge, a new part to play.

Here we all are in Drama my Senior Year. I am towards the front with really short hair. Yes, that's me right behind the guy getting kissed by another boy. We were goofs and we were having the time of our lives!

I had the opportunity to compete in regional and state acting competitions and it was an incredible rush. There is such a nervousness and excitement! I remember watching my classmates and I could see when they got it, when they had hit the nail on the head, when you could believe every thing that they were saying, that they were that person in front of you that you had never met before in your life. You were excited for their triumphs and successes and for your own.

My senior year I got to play Golde in "Fiddler on the Roof". I worked with such incredible mentors. Mrs. Abbey taught me several good lessons. Whenever I would do a scene I wouldn't look into some one's eyes. I would look right next to their eyes or somewhere else. Isn't that strange? I didn't even realize I was doing it. She also taught me to try to have a love for my "kids". I had never been a mom and couldn't entirely understand what that would be like. I tried not to be too gruff or mean. Golde was a stern lady and finding a balance was difficult. Mr. Moore had this way of putting everything together, the music, the scenes, the feel. It was amazing to be on that stage and to feel the energy that I literally felt coming from the audience. There was such a rush at the curtain call when everything was done, when you knew you had done your best and put your soul out there for everyone to see.

You see, acting isn't someone else on that stage. It really is a piece of that person, a part of their soul that they are letting you see. Something that may be put right back away when the curtain falls and when they are back amongst civilized society.

I went on to do some plays after high school. In fact I met my first husband while doing shows at "Off Broadway Theater". I even did a show while I was 6 months pregnant with my oldest daughter. After she was born I put that part away for a while. There wasn't time for it. I ended up getting divorced and then I was a single mom. There definitely wasn't time for it then.

I had stopped thinking about shows anymore, stopped yearning for it. One day an old friend called me up on the phone and asked if I would like to audition to play Fruma Sarah in "Fiddler on the Roof". The thought of being back on the stage sparked something in me. It re-light a slow, smoldering fire within my bosom. I jumped at the chance and absolutely loved it. I involved Wes and Lydia in the show so I wouldn't feel so bad to be away from them and so we could be together.

Yes that is me being all dramatic, throwing my arms up in the air, while trying to balance on top of my husband's shoulders. It was wonderfully fun.

That play started something. I was then involved in Midsummer Night's Dream later than fall, playing Helena and back to my familiar Shakespeare! Poor clumsy, awkward Helen trying to plead for love in her sulky way. Ahh, how I can relate to her.

The next summer it was "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers". I was so honored to play Milly, but so incredibly nervous to play her. Well, more accurately to sing her songs. She is a high soprano and, well, I am better as an alto. The acting was comfortable for me, but the singing was slightly nerve wracking, but I made it and learned that I can do it! I was so glad that the director took a chance on me and let me put myself out there. We had wonderful audiences that filled up that little theatre which was a great feeling!

It has been a while since I have done another show again, but I know I will be out there again sometime. Being on the stage has become an addiction for me. As I get farther and farther away from my last show the urge quiets down and goes behind the day to day obligations, but it is still there. Sometimes it will break through in a dream or when I see auditions posted. Silly isn't it. Wes said once that he has never seen me happier than when I am performing. I don't know if that is entirely true. I love my family more than anything else. There is something uniquely exhilarating and satisfying that only the stage brings though. It is just different from anything else in this world.